What Is Love?- Love Being About Me, Shopping, and the Skeptics

I just got married and I had a “reality-of-love” wake up call. The idea of love that I had birthed and nurtured in my mind for so many years had been torn apart and rebuilt the very first week of marriage! Please don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful tragedy because I discovered something…I am way more selfish than I thought!

Lie #1: Love Is About Individuality not Conformity

We have been taught consciously or unconsciously that we should embrace our individuality! You are your own person and if people really loved you then they would accept you as you are! Then get two people who care about their own individuality and decide to enter into a relationship with the mindset that the other person will never make me change and you have a recipe for failure. Yet, that is what we are taught by our culture, right? I am currently thinking of a current song where the artist expresses that all he needs is a beautiful woman to make his life complete.  Do you see what I mean? It’s subtle…but we tend to believe it…

“All I need is to get married”

“If only I had a girlfriend/boyfriend”

“If he only treated me the way so and so does his girlfriend/boyfriend”

We tend to think about our own individuality in love…so I go shopping

Lie #2: Love is about Self-Indulging Instead of Self-Sacrificing

What do we tend to do? We tend to go “shopping” for the best product. Dating was the facet to test out the product. If we don’t like what the product is doing for us, we get rid of it and go “shop” for a new product that better suits our needs.

Can you see it? When the products are not working out, we become skeptical of any product…

Lie #3Love is Skeptical Instead of All-believing

When none of the products are working out the way we want them to work then we become skeptical of any product that many come our way. We no longer trust any relationship until the ring is on the finger or sometimes not even then…

How we degrade love when we only think about ourselves…

The Bible’s Love is Greater Than Culture’s Love

Biblical love says it’s not about individuality but conformity



“The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – 1Cr 7:4-5 NASB

Biblical love says it’s self-sacrificing not self-indulging

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” – Eph 5:25-26 NASB

Biblical love has no need to be skeptical but will be able to believe all things.

Paul says that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1Cr 13:7 NASB (emphasis my own)


Start seeing where you maybe had some wrong thinking about love. Do you tend to think about yourself and your needs and desires when you think about love? Do you think that human love will be the one thing that will satisfy your life? Or are you skeptical now?

If you want to know what love is, remember one thing as you read February’s blogs:

“We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” – 1Jo 4:16 NASB

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” – Jhn 1:1 NASB

Want to know true love? Know God. Want to know God? He has given you His Word.


Ryan Thomason works with Transform Student Ministries as the product development and events coordinator. He is married to a wonderful woman named Madison.  He has voluntarily served Precept Ministries for close to 10 years before coming on staff full time. He has interned with their media department in 2008 and with the student ministry in 2009. He has lived in Guatemala to learn Spanish. 

“I have become its servant, according to God’s administration that was given to me for you, to make God’s message fully known, the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to His saints.” Colossions 1:25-26

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